Smart Ass Answers

 SMART ASS ANSWER #6

 It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?',the flight attendant asked John,
seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

 SMART ASS ANSWER #5

 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
 check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand
 for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
 Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your
 ticket, not your stub.'

 SMART ASS ANSWER #4

 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
 store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

 She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
 The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

 SMART ASS ANSWER #3

 The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was
 stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been
 waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
 The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
 When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
 his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed
 a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the
 bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged
 under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
 Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car

and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips
 and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and
I ran out of gas.'

 SMART ASS _ANSWER OF THE YEAR_ 2014!!

 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
 exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
 being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a
 serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
 immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
 A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand
 and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was
 suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
 The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When
 silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the
 student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess
 you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

A BONUS _EXTRA_

 A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She
 is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I
 feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you
 to pay me a compliment.'
 The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.