*Daily Contact* "Come On In": Going to bed drunk.......

Bill Says

Have a nice day

If at first you don't succeed,

skydiving is not for you.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Sleeping comes so naturally to me,I could do it with my eyes closed.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

If you haven't got a smile on your face

And laughter in your heart,
Then you are just a sour old fart!!!

The Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many Questions.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator,but never got around to it.

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If you don’t swear when you drive, you are not paying attention to the road!

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If you see someone without a smile give them one of yours

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Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

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I’m just one step away from being rich.

All I need now is the money

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The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

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I could sure use another day.......

Between Saturday and Sunday

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I'm the life of the party . . .

Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

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Women might be able to fake orgasms but men can fake a whole relationship.

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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

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Be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.

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I asked my girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Cheque books.

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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

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----A day without laughter is a day wasted!